I can’t remember how everything took place but the vivid feeling of hesitation and thrill still lingers in me. To be chronologically organized, it happened separately, different day, people and place but with the same distinct feeling of rush in my blood.
I and my friends along with our co-interns decided to celebrate for we have just finished our on the job training. I’m not a regular drinker nor a liquor fanatic but I don’t know what’s with me that night I was very high-spirited to celebrate and have a drink. To cut the long story short, a friend handed me her cigar and told me to try it (typical scene isn’t?). I don’t know if that’s called peer pressure but they weren’t pressuring or forcing me in the first place. I waved it off and said no. But I know deep in me that I wasn’t firm with my humble rejection of their invitation, I wanted to try it too. Then she asked me again if I was sure, without answering I get the cigarette from her and that was the tale of my first cigar. It was very awkward I didn’t know if I’m doing it, my hand holding the cigar was trembling too. Everything happened so fast, one moment I was pulling some smoke in my mouth then I was blowing the smoke out. Can’t say I was pressured by my friends, I was fascinated and tempted and add the fact that lately everything’s happening repeatedly like a playlist set in repeat mode forever. I was really saturated and that may have caused my mind and body to crave for something new. My friends were a bit surprised with my action because I used to nag them off when they feel like lighting up a stick, always telling them that there’s nothing cool in smoking so they better stop or I’ll be angry. And in that moment the wheel has turned and now they’re the one whose telling me that I shouldn’t get fond of it. The reaction and look of my friends made me laugh, they were all surprised (feeling apologetic that they should have not engaged me to smoking) now they’re telling me not to get used to it but at the same time they were enthusiastic and excited for their friend has just strayed from the pristine way of living. Welcome to the club, Ayeh!
I don’t have any regrets with that even though the issue about smoking is very complicating. People have different views on smoking. I don’t exactly know the population that smokes but I know it’s a lot to count. People have different reason for trying it and embracing the lifestyle of smoking. In the first place, I really don’t know if I should just keep this experience to myself but I feel like I should really write about it, not to brag but to express myself, to understand myself better, to comprehend my feelings. And I’m still thinking whether I should tell this to my other best friend, I don’t know but I always find solace in sharing my experiences and thoughts to him. Maybe I just don’t want to get him shocked (or disgusted or surprised) by my action. What more if my parents learn about this. Oh I don’t even want to think what punishment I’ll get. Again, I’m not regretful mmm just a little scared of what and how the people around me will think and react about that. Of course I can’t ignore the fact that others may judge me easily. That’s part of life, you always get judged by what you do, take it.
So to the question if I’ll be giving it another shot?
Mmm. I’m not saying I didn’t like it and I won’t be doing it again. I’m just keeping in my mind that the next time I lit my second stick, I’m in the right place and in my rightful age (surely after I finish school) and also when I’m in my perfect state of mind and not under the influence of alcohol. We all know that smoking causes nothing good so don’t let it ruin you. I hate to say this if you just want to get cool, smoking is not the best way, read! Reading is cool, I promise to you. So that’s it guys this post has gotten too long! AND To anyone who might be reading this and is a teenager, please don’t imitate me, I didn’t write this post to fascinate you into trying it. It’s just that it happened to me earlier than you, we’re all too young to smoke, focus on other things first, okay?
**Part II will follow tomorrow. Goodnight!