Last night, I was out of my mind. I didn’t know what came up with me. Maybe it’s because of too much guilt and pressure. I feel like I’m not worthy of his love anymore. Things, thoughts and the rush of feelings were all coming fast. I love him so much but I can’t take to see him being hurt because of the heartaches I’ve brought to him. The only solution I thought of is to let him go. I know it was very shallow. So unreasonable. So immature.
Hurting him is a thing I would not want to do. Yeah I know in love, hurting and pain is inevitable. It shapes and strengthens the relationship. But last night, instead of being strong, suddenly I acted like a coward. I was very close to committing a decision I will totally regret in the end. The words came out from my mouth. I wasn’t aware. It all happened so fast. I didn’t even had the thought to remember all the good and bad things we’ve been through and yet there I was letting him go last night. Loosening my grip on him, ready to release his hand. I am such a coward. :l
But honestly, I really don’t want to let him go. I can’t. I love him so much. I love him so much but I can’t bear to see him being hurt because of my own bull craps. So that was the only thing I thought of that could solve the dilemma. I was so insensitive of his feelings. I was really all out to let him go. I told myself that even though it will hurt I will bear the pain because after all it is all for him. I was expecting him to walk away. To leave and take the chance to flee from pain but he didn’t. Thank you for not letting me go. Thank you for holding me tighter. Now I realized how important you are to me. Suddenly my heart was awaken. I realized how much I love him. That I can’t be without him. Romance is easy but true love is not. I will be strong for the two us.
I think I love him better now.